Phi Phi.

Home of ‘The Beach’ with Leonardo Di Caprio. A must see Thailand destination by most people’s recommendations.

I expected a party island but with such beauty that it takes the edge off of the 18yo tourist cringe of Patong…

Well, this was something else. We got off of our boat transfer and after about 10 minutes of walking towards our hostel Banana looked at me and said “I don’t think I can stay here” and I said “Me either mate”. But if we thought those first ten minutes were bad, we really had no idea what was coming.

It is claustrophobic. There are lots of horrible, dingy, windy streets. All the bars and pubs are dodgy, the people in the street are mostly just off their face on drugs, and those who aren’t are miserable [likely on a come down]. You feel like a rat in a maze.

Maybe the beach will be nice…

Nope.

The beach was actually worse than Patong. There were almost as many fag butts as grains of sand. I didn’t even put my toes in the water.

Apparently the beautiful tropical blue water that you’d expect to see is only in the bay at certain times of day due to the tide… I imagine that it is actually due to the tourists that the water isn’t always beautiful. There was a lot of rubbish and pollution.

Our accommodation might be nice…

Well, I’m just grateful we got out of there alive to be honest. I think the building was held up by Dark Magic. It was so crooked it seemed to defy the laws of physics. When the people in the room next door walked around, our floor moved. I felt like I was on a ship. I fully expected to fall through the floor into whatever was below us.

And then, just when we thought it couldn’t get worse, and we’d sorted out our escape route for the next day…

Cockroach.

I suppose I should just be grateful it wasn’t a spider… though in fairness I don’t think a spider would live in such a dive.

We checked out at 8am the next day. Our boat wasn’t until 11.30am. We waited in McDonalds as we deemed it the safest place we could find.

It was miserable.

The only redeeming feature was the sushi.

Yep. Phi Phi has excellent Sushi. I looked up the best gluten free restaurant in Phi Phi. Google needed to tell us where to eat because every two steps in the street it said PIZZA. And I cannot eat pizza, nor do I want pizza in a country that doesn’t have real cheese – what on earth is the point in pizza without proper cheese?! Who comes to Thailand and eats pizza??

Well, for that matter who comes to Thailand and eats sushi… but we did. And it was glorious. The sashimi just melted in my mouth. I am not normally a huge fan of sashimi – I can eat two pieces and then I am done. But this stuff… I could have eaten it all! And my body was SO GRATEFUL for food it understood and could digest.

So you know, not a total loss. But essentially traumatising.

Banana only had two more nights before she had to catch a plane from Krabi airport to BKK. So after much deliberation we ended up back in Lanta because we knew she could comfortably get a transfer from there, and that we’d enjoy our last few days together.

Lanta take 2…

P.S. these are genuinely all the photos I took – plus one of the departures board for ideas on where to go next!