I’ve been super quiet lately! Well, on the blog post front at least [let’s be honest, rarely am I actually quiet!]

There’s been a lot going on here at Sian HQ since I went crazy, quit my job and went in pursuit of a life I love.

And here we are, exactly one month since my first day of freedom [I only just realised that as I reached for the calendar to count how long it has been! Wow!] and a LOT has changed.

Shit got real.

I have seen, met up with, dined with, danced with, hiked with and Skyped with a whole bunch of new people, and people I haven’t seen for so many years that they could be considered new. I’ve teamed up with old school friends, new soul sisters and strengthened friendships over entrepreneurial coffee [that isn’t a new brand of caffeinated beverage, that is just me being hilarious]. It is amazing how your life gets filled when you start to make some room.

Every single day, without fail, I have a conversation with someone that inspires me, sparks an idea, and propels me forward in the right direction.

I am following my instinct. My gut. My intuition. And it is leading me right to where I need to be. I get clearer and clearer on this every day. My faith in my inner compass gets stronger with every turn of the planet. Literally. It’s a bizarre experience, but I am learning to articulate it more effectively with every conversation I have.

I have been extremely fortunate to have had some astounding conversations with some truly marvellous people. And I have become very aware that people are following my journey through social media, which is immense.

But it also means I need to get real with you.

This life gets lonely.

I am all about the positivity, the good vibes, using the appropriate language to manifest more of what you desire. I am all about inspiring, and being inspired. My every cell dances for that. This is what I am here for. This is definitely my gig. I am showing up!

But it gets lonely.

Whenever anyone tells me that they want to make a change; that they hate their job, their partner, themselves or any other aspect of their life, I am the first person to encourage them to make that change. Step out of that comfort zone my love; come join me in the discomfort of your new world.

Discomfort.

No one prepared me for that.

I have strong introvert characteristics. I love being by myself probably more than most people. I do my best thinking on my own, in the quiet hum of the trees and nature.

So when my newfound global girl squad told me that going it alone is lonely, I thought “Well, maybe for them, but I fucking love being on my own! I’m not going to be lonely.”

Wow.

How ill prepared I was.

And how obvious it seems to me now, that they were so so right.

When 2016 graced us with its presence; I was cohabiting in a long-term relationship, in a full time job, in an open plan office with 200 other people.

I was hardly ever alone. In fact, it was a luxury to get time to myself.

Fast forward to the end of 2016 and I am here, on my own, most of the day. I would say that I am on my own 80% of the time.

80% of the time

That’s quite an extreme to go from never being alone, to 80% of alone time.

And sometimes that is rough. But the most difficult part is not that you are alone. I mean, being alone is not that bad. Being lonely, now that’s where the hardship lies.

Most of my regular friends, the ones from before I went crazy and quit my job, don’t quite understand what it is that I am working towards. We don’t really talk business, we don’t talk about systems, or goals, or aspirations. We don’t talk about tools or workshops, or our favourite TED talk, or what new book we are reading on self-development.

When I tell them that the ultimate goal is to own nothing but hand luggage and be free to hop on a plane whenever my soul told me it was time to move on, they look at me like I am insanity personified. “Just hand luggage? What like, nothing else?” And then we change the subject.

And you know, that is totally fine. I have changed a lot this year. I get it. It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. And I know that they love me regardless of our different lifestyle goals.

But it’s lonely.

But I can talk to my global girl squad about that stuff, right? Those beautiful women who I met in Javea in September. We exchange this chat every day. It is totally their bag.

Except that they’re global.

That means that they are not here. We cannot simply pick up the phone for ten minutes to exclaim ‘YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THE CONVERSATION I JUST HAD!’

Feedback is delayed. And in 2D.

They feel it too. The loneliness. We often exchange messages like ‘wish you girls were here today’ and ‘miss your faces like crazy’. So I know I am not alone in my loneliness. Though that doesn’t always make it go away.

They were right.

They are always right. Quite a wise bunch of #bossgirls I have in my corner tbh.

But they’re global.

So while I couldn’t be happier with the direction in which I am taking my life. And while I know that this is part of the process, and this is my journey. I also want to be real with you.

Not every day is rainbows and butterflies. And that is ok. Because I have a toolkit I built up over the years to deal with the days that the rainbows and butterflies evade me. I have mantras at my disposal to quiet the self-doubt and shield myself from the critics.

But it isn’t easy.

Even when you surround yourself with local like-minded dream builders – I know a few of those now too – they’re busy most days building their own dreams, glued to their own laptops for 80% of the time.

They tell me that the really profound journeys are never easy. I guess that means I am doing it right!

So please, step out of your comfort zone and into your discomfort. Aim higher. Look to achieve something greater than you ever thought possible. Believe in yourself. Find your purpose. Pursue your passion.

But know that the road is winding, and it ain’t always a walk in the park. You gotta tread that path alone.

No one ever created something new by following the crowd darling. But that crowd sure is a comfort.

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