Sorry I didn’t write last week, I failed at my scheduling again. But each week I am learning lessons so I think I am getting closer to the magic formula. My new role at the office is taking up a lot more brain space than before, so I am still trying to work my way through it all and learn how to juggle everything.
I spent two days this week feeling pretty low. The first day I didn’t really understand why. I attributed it to a combination of things, adding up together, resulting in me being needy and wanting to be near people who make me feel safe and calm.
The second day I received some news at 7.22am which shattered my heart. Whilst no one I know directly was in any immediate danger of physical harm, I still felt the loss keenly, as though it was someone I knew.
And I cried.
I cried for a solid hour. In the end, I had to start getting ready for work before I had quite finished sobbing. So I took my tears into the shower with me and cried there.
I learnt a lot about connection this week. It has been an overarching theme in fact. I felt connected to that news at 7.22am, and I think I had been connected to it during the preceding hours of the day before.
I felt connected to all the people who have ever ugly cried in the shower, hoping the water would drown out the sound of their pain.
I also felt more keenly connected to the people immediately surrounding me. I’ve been seeking community for a little while now, and I definitely felt a sense of that this week. I received so many messages checking up on me, so many hugs and kisses, and just so much LOVE.
It was magical.
All because my face dropped, and when people asked if I was ok I was honest and said ‘no’. And they didn’t seek to find out the details that I was clearly not willing or able to divulge – they just hugged me and loved me.
How miraculous is that.
There is so much love in the world. No matter how many awful things happen, or how much pain and suffering we endure, there is always more love. And it is so easy to multiply that love. It is so easy to be nice and kind and loving towards one another. Whether it is a hug, or a text message, or saying good morning to a stranger in the street. It all adds up, multiplies and grows.
It makes the world go round.
Quotes to live by:
“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much; my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude—for every single moment of my stupid, little life.” – American Beauty [Film]
Go out there and love each other this weekend. Love everyone you come into contact with. Silently or out loud.
Change the world.
Be mindful and grateful for your privilege. Even if you are not a white middle class man, you’re still reading this email, likely on a smartphone or laptop, with an internet connection, and relative freedom of speech. You still have a roof over your head, food on your table and clothes on your back. That is privilege. And we are some of the luckiest people on the planet.
Act accordingly =)
Big love and bright light, Sian xxx