I turned 30 last weekend.

I’ve never been one for making a fuss of my birthday. Truthfully, I’ve never really needed to. For as long as I can remember there has always been someone who was excited to make a fuss of it for me, so I never had to worry about it.

But this year was different. This year was the first year I really felt I was alone – about to embark on a new decade of adventures and if I didn’t make a fuss of it, no one else would either. 

When 2018 happened (you know, way back in January), I realised that this year was going to be a big deal for me. 

The first anniversary of anything is a bit surreal, a bit unreal, and a bit like ‘how did that year come and go?’. The second anniversary of anything is a bit different. And this year, January and February 2018 saw second anniversaries of some pretty life changing events for me. And I knew I couldn’t see in my third decade on this planet, in this lifetime, alone. 

So I made a fuss.

I started in February and I continued right up until today. I booked an entire house, I invited a whole tribe of friends, and I spent the bank holiday weekend turning 30 and leaving very little room for contemplation. The desk in my office was covered in glitter, I had presents and a massive badge and I walked around the office on that Friday like the Queen – everyone knew it was my birthday, everyone wished me well, and everyone seemed to know my weekend plans. 

I was not alone. 

Not for a single waking second. I spent every minute with people and I couldn’t have asked for more. My friends made so much effort to make sure I had a good time and I was the most spoilt I’ve ever been. 

The house I booked was a version of my dream house. It was out in the Sussex countryside, plonked in the middle of a vast plot of land, and it was all ours for the weekend. This was the closest to #farmlife I’ve ever literally been. And it was the perfect way to see in my 30s. 

Wow. My 30s. 

It is weird to think that my 20s are done, wrapped up in tissue paper, book closed, chapters ended, ribbon and bow on top. 

My 20s were not what I imagined them to be. Laying in the grass as a teenager, staring up at the infinite universe – the stars, the moon and the couldless sky… I did not imagine they would pan out like that. But I am eternally grateful that they did. 

All of those things that I wished for and did not get – I am beyond thankful that those things did not come to pass for me at that time. 

That said – I got everything I wanted. In divine timing. I got all of the lessons I needed, all of the people I needed, and all of the heartbreak I needed, to help me to understand what is important and what is not. 

Thanks to the train wrecks and car crashes of my 20s, I know love. Thanks to those experiences I know darkness, and ultimately, I now know light. 

The biggest thing I learnt in my 20s was divine timing.

Divine timing.

Everything that is meant for you will be yours, at the perfect time. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you strive – what you’re seeking is seeking you and it will come to pass at the perfect moment, when it is the highest good for all. 

By trusting that timing, and trusting the Universe, I am here, now, writing this, having just spent an entire weekend with people who a few years ago were not a pivotal part of my life… 

Life is unpredictable. That is the entire beauty of it. 

The finite, fragile nature of this life, teamed with the wild unpredictability and the endless amount of love available – that is what makes this lifetime worth it. That is what makes life worth living.

Sometimes, amidst the noise and haste, we lose sight of what’s important, we cannot see through the darkness, and even those moments of utter despair are worth it.

Because if we can just hold on, show up, keep breathing through all of that, we can make like a lotus, and grow out of the mud. 

Sometimes when you think you’ve been buried, you’ve actually been planted. Bloom.

These are the lessons of my 20s. And I cannot wait to put them to good use in my 30s. 

Thank you for being part of my journey.

Big love, bright light,
Eternally grateful,
Sian xxx