I’m going to build an empire. I’m going to live my best life, every day. I am going to live my dreams.
My mum thinks I am crazy, and maybe she’s right; if I am totally honest, I came to this decision this week because of butterflies and the number 88 [can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?]
Welcome to my complete insanity. You’re very welcome here. Pull up a chair, let me learn your story, and you can learn mine.
So here it is.
This year, as you may have heard, started with a shit-tonne of ‘the fuck am I doing here?’ and has progressed via ‘how on earth is this happening?’ with a short transition through ‘I might not get out of this alive’ until waking up midway between ‘geez I lost weight easily!’ and ‘so THIS is where I’m meant to be’.
It has been quite a ride, and I am by no means getting off yet.
As I told you last time, I attended the most transformative week of my life in September in Javea, Spain. And since then, I have been snowballing towards success. I ended up in Spain through a serious of non-coincidences [being as nothing is a coincidence], and my faith and trust in the Universe has just been getting stronger and stronger.
Stick with me here.
I know I am a loon, but hear me out. You’ll be glad you did.
Having woken up one day in January and made the decision to quit my long-term relationship in favour of a vague notion that I wanted to live a different day, every day, for the rest of my life [my then-boyfriend was not so keen on this level of disruption]. So I then moved back in with my parents [far less painful than originally conceived to be]. I experienced a profound loss the first morning of my new life, and I have been guided through this entire year ever since.
I didn’t really know what I was doing when I up-ed and left my quiet little flat in a nice gated block to move back into the box room [read: tiniest room in the house] at my parents’. But I knew in my gut that it was the right thing to do.
I didn’t really know what I was doing when I decided to leave my 2.5 year post at an NHS organisation in March, but I knew in my gut that it was the right thing to do.
I didn’t really know what I was doing when I accepted a job that involved a whole lot of booking other people’s flights [when I wanted to be booking my own (the irony isn’t lost on me Universe, very funny, nice touch.)] But I knew in my gut that it was the right thing to do.
All of these decisions were taken firmly in the belief that I had no idea what was coming. I didn’t have a game plan. I didn’t have a crystal ball. But I just went along blindly into the future with hope, and not a whole lot of better alternatives. Taking one day at a time, one decision at a time.
Which really, when you think about it, is every single day of our lives. We have no way of knowing what is around the corner. The best chance we have of going in the right direction is to look within our hearts and trust our guts.
So I did.
And I have.
And I am.
I’ve been getting more and more spiritual since the beginning of the year. In truth, I needed to. I needed something that was going to keep me alive. And that something started out with walking in the Surrey hills reciting mantras I found on Instagram, crying into my scarf [it wasn’t quite Spring yet, I needed that scarf], and saying hello to strangers [I love strangers]. The nature, the trees, the walking, the robins, the feathers and the mantras – they kept me going. Just. Keep. Swimming.
This has evolved over the past few months and I have read several books. The most recent of which is Gabby Bernstein’s ‘The Universe Has Your Back’. It is changing my life. I listened to her on Audible, because there is something about her voice that just connects to my soul. [I also bought the paperback, because sometimes you gotta study these things properly, and I need it in black and white in front of me for that].
I’ve been working on trusting the Universe for months now. It isn’t the easiest thing in the beginning. But today it really culminated in total and utter crackpot. And I have absolutely no fear. I know I’m doing the right thing. I know I am going to be taken care of. And I know this because of butterflies and the number 88.
I asked the Universe for a sign. I’d been thinking about quitting my job for a few weeks, but I didn’t want to just apply for a new job, I wanted to build an empire. So I asked the Universe for a sign: “Please Universe, give me a sign if I am supposed to quit my job next week. Please send me butterflies if I am supposed to quit my job next week.”
Now, it must be noted that the temperature here in the UK is currently around 10 degrees Celsius. I haven’t seen many butterflies lately. Everything is dying. It is autumn.
In the evening of the day that I made this request to the Universe, I was scrolling Instagram and Beyonce had posted a picture of her and Blue Ivy, and she was wearing a butterfly on her tshirt. I laugh out loud and sent a screen grab to my equally loony friend H. “Well, if Beyonce is telling me to… ‘I gotta keep running cos a winner don’t quit on themselves’, ya know?” I was kidding. I wasn’t fully sold. I mean, come on!
The following day I was getting the train down to Brighton for a day of fun and love with my new friend A and her friend [who is btw really awesome and now totally my friend too! Yay!] While on said train journey I had to change trains [which is a new route as they’ve changed the train timetable], I wandered down the platform while I was waiting for my train. I didn’t really know why I was walking down the platform, there were several adequate places to stop, but I just felt the need to keep wandering down. As I decided to stop, I looked up, and across the tracks there was a butterfly painting on the wall. Just a framed picture of a butterfly, on it’s own, totally randomly. Looked quite out of place to be honest.
I beamed. I must have looked like I had genuinely lost my mind. I laughed out loud [though not too loud in case people looked at me [ha]] and I looked up and said “really?” I still wasn’t sold. I was definitely MORE convinced than I had been, but not quite sold.
[I had the most amazing day in Brighton and then afterwards the synchronicity I experienced on my way home was just phenomenal. I was SO high on life that night. But that is another post entirely.]
Another thing that had kept popping up for me was the number 88. It was everywhere. The date, discussions about birthdays, page numbers, the time, references in scientific texts [I work in healthcare, I read a lot of science with a lot of references], the price of things… everywhere!
I looked up what this meant, and the angel number 88, according to Joanne Sacred, means:
Number 88 is a powerful number as it is made up of the energies of the number 8, doubled and amplified. Number 8 carries the vibrations and attributes of patience, practicality and dependability, personal authority and power, discernment and good judgement, ambition and potential, business acumen, finding success and manifesting wealth and abundance, self-discipline and responsibility, inner-wisdom, justice and Karma. […] Angel Number 88 may also suggest that a phase, circumstance or situation in your life is about to end and is a sign of forewarning to enable you to prepare yourself and your life accordingly. It may also indicate that you are winding up an emotional, career or relationship phase in your life.
Well… as I was telling my friend about this in the park, literally, as the words were coming out of my mouth, a little girl [who may have been around 8 years old [only partly kidding]] skated around the corner and up the path in front of us… “Oh my god. LOOK at her jumper!!” She had, in big typeface, 88 written on the back of her jumper. I mean, I couldn’t very well ignore that could I. Just as the words were coming out of my mouth! Amazing. Ok Universe, message received!
Similarly, the following day [I kid you not this happened over a series of about four days] I was telling a different friend about my prayer to the Universe for a sign if I should quit my job, and how I had chosen butterflies, and how I wished I had chosen something slightly more difficult. And as I said that, before I had even finished my sentence, a butterfly flew by. And as we continued our conversation, another one flew by, and finally, as we walked out of the trees and into the sunshine, a small butterfly danced with us for a while. Actually danced with us.
I could hardly believe it.
There were other little signs along the way. Messages in the form of Facebook and Instagram memes. People asking me for guidance while I was thinking ‘but I don’t know what I am doing myself!’, and the guidance I gave them rang true for me too. As if the Universe was saying ‘SEE! You believe it enough to advise other people to do it, you should be practicing what you preach!’
So today, after a bit of deliberation and a lot of searching within myself, I made the decision, I had the conversation, and I am off to live my dreams. I am leaving my secure job, where everyone is wonderful and I can accomplish all the tasks I am given, and I am going out on my own, to build my empire and become Queen of my own life.
I wanted to share my crazy with you tonight. So I’ve laid it out there, for you to read. And if I work hard, and trust the Universe, and this all comes together for me I can say ‘I told you so!’, and if it doesn’t, I can say ‘My mum was right, I was crazy. Butterflies and numbers should not dictate your future.’
But right now, I have nothing to lose. And I am heading in the right direction. The Universe is carrying me along with it, and I am so grateful for all the support and love I have received today.
Be the Queen of your own life. Live your own dreams. Build your own empire.
We are all together, united as one, and we can all win.